You're Funny Although I Say I Think You Aren't
by general73
Summary: Just a little Merthur fluff with Merlin teasing Arthur


"Merlin, where are my boots?"

The only response Arthur receives is an unhelpful shrug.

"This isn't funny," says Arthur, standing there in his socks with his hands on his hips.

While Merlin disagrees with this, he keeps a straight face and just says, "I don't know where they are."

Arthur sighs heavily and closes his eyes for a moment. "Let me try that again: Merlin, give me back my bloody boots, or I'll have you flogged!"

Swallowing back a laugh, Merlin says, "I don't know where they are, Arthur, and threatening to punish me doesn't change that."

By the flare of Arthur's nostrils, Merlin knows the prince is angry and takes an appropriate step back. He's not entirely sure that Arthur isn't going to lunge at him and strangle him.

"You and I are the only ones who even touch them, and I took them off. Which means you did something with them, so where they are?"

Merlin wrinkles his nose. "Your boots are repulsive."

It's not an answer, and Arthur knows it. He clenches his teeth and inhales sharply. "Don't make me ask you again."

"I said I don't have them."

"But you know where they are!"

"If I do, then I'll know when you find them."

They both know Merlin isn't making any sense, which makes him even more obviously guilty. With something like a snarl, Arthur does lunge at Merlin. Fortunately Merlin has been expecting this and manages to dodge the attack. For a moment there is a chair between them. Then Arthur is after Merlin again with an inarticulate shout of frustration. Merlin gets lucky, because the chair serves its purpose in keeping space between them. Arthur sees the disadvantage and shoves the chair into the wall with a crash.

"Arthur, no, Arthur, wait!" Merlin says frantically as Arthur comes at him again. Knowing he can't hope to escape from Arthur if he keeps running, Merlin dives under Arthur's bed. This works out much better for him than he expected, because Arthur doesn't follow him under there. Instead he glares at Merlin through the foot-and-a-half gap between the bed and the floor.

"Get out of there."

"I can't, I'm sorry."

"Why no?"

"Because someone wants to strangle me with his bare hands."

"Really? I can't imagine why anyone would want to do that to you, Merlin."

"Honestly, I can't either."

The sickly sweet, sarcastic smile that Merlin gives Arthur is enough to make anyone bloodthirsty. Arthur makes a swipe at Merlin, who scoots halfway out from under the other side of the bed. Leaping to his feet, Arthur runs to the other side of the bed, only to realize that this was a foolish move, as Merlin also switched sides. When he drops to his knees and looks under the bed, he sees Merlin laughing so hard that he isn't breathing.

"Merlin," Arthur growls through his teeth, "come out from there."

"I'm sorry, but there is murder in your eyes," Merlin replies, vaguely concerned by Arthur's rage. He sneezes suddenly because of the dust under the bed, and Arthur shouts a triumphant "HA".

Now Merlin knows that it's only a matter of time before he sneezes a few more times and won't be able to escape Arthur because of his watering eyes. He sneezes three more times before Arthur seems to let his guard down. Sliding out from the far side of the bed, Merlin makes a mad dash for the door. Almost too late he realizes he won't make it in one piece. So he gets behind the table stacked with Arthur's papers, hoping to use it as a barrier.

"I can't believe we're still doing this," Arthur complains, staring Merlin down across the table. "Just tell me where my boots are, and I won't kill you, I'll just maim you."

Merlin is mostly certain that Arthur is joking but has little time to consider the offer. Arthur has tired of waiting and coming around the table too quickly for Merlin to do anything but run for refuge under the bed again. Sprinting isn't exactly his forte, and Arthur catches him before he makes it. Merlin faceplants into the quilt on the bed, Arthur pinning him there.

"I'm going to kill you, Merlin," he exclaims in his servant's ear.

At this point, Merlin is laughing again. "Look up," he manages to say over her mirth.

So Arthur does and sees his boots hanging from the bed canopy over his pillow.

"If I want to hide something from you, I always put it in plain sight."

Now Arthur feels a bit foolish and his anger wanes. So he pushes Merlin's face into the bed before retrieving his shoes. He doesn't look at Merlin again as he's leaving the room, but Merlin gets a glimpse of his face and sees that Arthur is trying incredibly hard not to laugh.


End file.
